Easter Surprise
by suallenparker
Summary: Sometimes you must kiss a rabbit to get your true love in the end... Smacked, of course. Thanks to everyone who voted this Best Humorous Story 2009!
1. Chapter 1

**Easter-Surprise**

Disclaimer: I don´t own CSI:NY

Spoiler: None

Rating: T

Summary: Sometimes you must kiss a rabbit to get your true love in the end...

Feedback: Please.

Warning: Since I didn´t want to scare my beta of by forcing her to read this humoristic piece of mine, it´s not betaed so you all have to bear with me and my interpretation of US-English-spelling, grammar and pun-usage.

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_"Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there." Clarence W. Hall_

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"Oh. My God."

Excuse me, but did I just say that out loud?

That scene in front of me shocked me to my bones and now I´m afraid the shock did not only froze my body-movement but also my brain-activity. Being drunk too, doesn´t make the situation any easier, I admit. I really shouldn´t have drunk... the last... three bottles of beer?

But I suppose the sight of Stella Bonasera kissing a tall rabbit could startle even the soberest man.

Well, of course it´s not a real rabbit. Stella kissing a cute fluffy animal, I could handle. But Stella kissing a guy who looks like a rabbit on the street in front of her apartment was far too much for me to take. Well, not that he is really looking like a rabbit except for his really big ears, whose are all I see of him because Stella sucking out his face is blocking my view.

Harsh words from me, I know. But she literally is, which disappoints me. I always thought she had a better taste in men. I always thought that she would like to taste chocolate-crisp-cookies...

And _no_, that comparison isn´t off at all. Maybe I should´ve mention first that I just ate a cookie.

Oh, I know what you think right now: '_How is he doing that? Creating such intelligent metaphors even tough he is drunk?_'

I tell you: I´m Mac Taylor, CSI Supervisor. It´s literally my job to be smart and make intelligent comments literally.

I should confine the usage of the word '_literally_' literally.

Damn.

I meant: I should confine the usage of the word 'literally'.

Being drunk sucks.

Just like watching Stella kissing that rabbit and seeing that rabbit´s paw lingering on her neck. Yes, I said _paw_. His hand is so hairy it deserves that name. That gross hairy paw... I know, I know, it´s Easter and people are supposed to be nice to rabbits and bunnies and such because of it, but would it really be such an overreaction to chop that paw of because he touched her with it?

Yeah, I already guessed that... Hm, maybe I´ll just kick him very hard to make him bounce away.

Maybe I just think he looks like a rabbit because I want him to bounce away?

Damn, I´m so jealous right now, I can´t think straight.

Uhm, drunk. I meant, I´m too drunk to think straight. Not jealous, _drunk_.

I´m not jealous. Why should I be jealous? I´m not in love with Stella. Just because I show off at her door like in the middle of the night on the Saturday before Easter doesn´t mean I´m in love with her. And I´m _definitely_ not interested to make out with that rabbit too so there is really no reason for me to be jealous.

Anyhow... fact is: Right now my own mind is abandon me.

So did I say it out loud?

Seriously, I don´t know... Did I?

Judging on that startled expression on Stella´s face as she turns around in that rabbit´s arms, I think I did.

Damn.

"_Mac_?" Stella gasps surprised.

Damn. Again.

She doesn´t look very pleased to see me right now...

Ok, time to get my brain back on working because I will need a really, really good explanation for interrupting her kissing the rabbit before Stella does something she might regret later. Like killing me for crushing her romantic moment with Easter bunny.

"Mac?" she repeats, stepping out of that rabbit´s embrace. He tries to pull her closer to him again, but she shoves his hands off her, coming closer to me instead, which pleases me in a really sick way.

"Mac?" She frowns. I guess she just noticed that, thanks to the beer I consumed earlier, I have trouble standing tall. "What are you doing here?"

Pleasant moment gone. Awkward moment, no, awkward _moments_ back on schedule. I really need to come up with something now... At least I need to come up with something to get myself more time to come up with something good.

"Why are you kissing him?" I ask her eventually.

Her forehead furrows even more.

Note to myself: First, answering a question with a question in return never worked really good on Stella. Second, asking her why she kissed another guy is also not the smartest, let alone smoothest way to play for time.


	2. Chapter 2

"Why are you here, Mac?"

Relief washes over me. Thank god, she is ignoring my question like she is ignoring Mr. Easter behind her.

I´m so glad, she doesn´t rip my head off for intruding her personal life that I totally forget my plan to come up with something useful to save my ass but instead tell her the first true fact that comes into my mind.

"I´m a good friend." I hear myself slur.

W-what?

Why the heck did I say that? That doesn´t make sense at all... Judging on the expression on Stella´s face, she agrees with me on that.

"It´s all Flack´s fault." I eventually add pouting, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

Oh, yeah Mac. That statement _saves_ the situation!

Just great.

Now Stella is staring at me as if she is considering to call the cops to _save_ her from that crazy Mac in front of her. "Excuse me?"

Yeah, my thoughts exactly, Stella.

Damn.

OK, I definitely need to come up with a more satisfying explanation. I know somewhere in beer-blurry brain is one. Just a few seconds ago I had one, I swear! It had something to do with beer and being a friend... Flack!

"It´s all Flack´s fault." I repeat trying to make her see my logic with convincing looks.

Hm, doesn´t seem to work... I guess, I have to give her some more information.

"Flack broke up with girl, wanted to drown his sorrow in beer, needed friend, Danny had a date with Lindsay everybody knows I have no private life, so I had to accompany him to that little bar right around the corner..." I state staccato-style, gesturing with my left hand at the street behind me to illustrate my words. "There we drowned his sorrow in seven bottles of beer just to come to the conclusion that women are mean." I ended my little speech.

Wow! I´m impressed by myself.

The last sentence was actually a full sentence, I did nearly not slur it _plus_ I used the word conclusion.

Strike, Mac Taylor´s brain´s back in the game!

To my pity, the rabbit, which glares at me out of brown eyes, and Stella don´t seem so impressed by it like I am. The rabbit can glare as much as he likes for all I care but that strange look on Stella´s face bothers me.

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A/N: Thanks so much for all your sweet words and encouragement! Since you guys seem to share my sense of humor, I will write and post this story until her silly end ^-^  
I hope you enjoyed that tiny piece of it too.  
Reviews are my favorite Easter-presents!


	3. Chapter 3

Ok, the situation I´m in, is not only bad.

The good thing is, she is so focusing on me that she seems to have forgotten Mr. Easter completely.

Ha, take that, rabbit-man. Seems like Mac-man is winning this time.

The bad thing though: Stella is giving me the look.

The one she always gives Danny or Flack when she thinks one of either of them behaves inappropriate. And now I feel like a child being scolded by his mother.

Damn, before I had the questionable pleasure to experience that look myself, I never would´ve believed that it could be so effective.

"What are you doing here, Mac?" she eventually asks me again. Her voice is stern, scolding me like her gaze.

"Because of Flack?" I answer hesitantly.

Stella just arches a brow, making me gulp uneasily. Damn, my hopes had been so high that my last explanation would satisfy her... Seems I have to come up with something even better.

"Because it´s on my way home?"

"First: it´s not on your way home, it´s the opposite direction and second: Why do you walk? Why didn´t you take a cab?"

"Because I´m drunk and shouldn´d drive in that state?" I try, putting all my charms in my voice. Since my mind can´t come up with a satisfying explanation, I have no other way but to try to distract her with some humor...

Maybe it´s just my imagination but I think Stella is smiling now.

Nope, must be a real smile. I´m too drunk to imagine anything more then my bed in which I would love to hide in now

Hmmm... Stella in my bed, wearing nothing but fluffy bunny-ears and a smile. The perfect Easter-present...

Damn, my imagination seems to work perfectly.

Being drunk is so confusing.

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A/N: Yes, I know. A very short piece this time. But I had been busy all day with eating and celebrating Easter with my entire family... Tomorrow I´ll have some more time to write.

Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed that piece neither the less and don´t hesitate to let me know about it.


	4. Chapter 4

So is she smiling or is she not smiling, that´s the question.

Wow. It´s seems like I finally sober up. Being able to make silly Shakespeare quotations, is prove of my returning mind. That´s my truth, deal with it.

Fine, now all I´m gonna have to do is welcome my mind back and then use it to convince Stella to smile at me instead of glaring at me...

Hm, how am I gonna make that happen?

Any suggestions, Mind?

Arg, still no proper answer from my brain. Sometimes I just wanna grab it by it´s shoulders and shake some sense in it...

Geez, I think, I´m not as sober as I thought I am. things like '_shaking sense into your own brain_' only make sense to you _if_ being drunk...

"Mac, why did you came here?" Stella interrupts my thinking... it is thinking what I´m doing, right? Still not sure bout that... Can a man still think when his brain is sleeping it off?

Well, I know for sure, you can still get side-tracked rather your drunk or sober. If my brain is working now or not isn´t that important right now, even though I´d admit it would be useful if it would, the important thing is that I´m sure, that Stella is indeed smiling at me, which causes me to smile at her in return.

Now, I just have to remember how I managed that, so I can keep this state up...

"Mac?"

Damn, now she is frowning again. I assume, just looking at her, smiling like an idiot doesn´t make it.

"Who is that rabbit?"

I did _not_. Say that.

And I didn´t point out to that guy with my right hand either. I simply. Did. _Not_. Do that.

Ok, I have convinced myself to just pretend the last few seconds did never happen, now I have to convince Stella too. Damn, this would be a lot easier, if she would be drunk too... But she is not. She is here kissing that rabbit and now I do wanna know who he is, so I can hunt him down and punch him later for making out with my Stella....

Fine, maybe I just wanna punch him no matter who he his.

Damn, now I got side-tracked again.

Notes to myself: First: Answering a question with another question: Still not a good idea. Second: Asking a rather stupid question only makes it worse and could let to trouble. Third: Getting side-tracked even though a certain female detective is glaring at you because you just asked a rather inappropriate question isn´t wise either and could also lead to trouble. Fourth: Making notes to yourself is just another way of getting side-tracked.

"Excuse me?" Stella shots back at me eventually.

Damn, I fear, I lost that smile of her´s for good...

"Why did you kiss that man?" I dug deeper.

Since she is going to kill me anyway, I have nothing to lose, so why bother to be polite?

Now she´s giving me her famous death-glare. Jep, she´s definitely going to kill me.

"That poor imitation of the Easter Bunny." I clarify and gesture once more at the man who now steps next to Stella, while he tries to freeze me with his looks.

Won´t work, dude. If Stella´s looks don´t harm me, your´s don´t stand a chance.

Mr. Easter bends to Stella, whispering something in her ear.

Right now, the urge to punch him grows even stronger. Why should I hunt him down later, if I have him right in front of me now?

Just to do her a favor, of course. I would love to hit him for her. Not because I´m jealous or something.... I´m not jealous. I´m not!

Seriously, I´m... so jealous I wanna kick his ass to Japan.

Or make him watch, when I kiss her and she would wrap her arms around me and would whisper in my ear she would never kiss that rabbit again, that she would never kiss anyone else but me.

That´s the strange side of being drunk. Sometimes you see important things so much clearer through the blurry dust of alcohol...

I love Stella.

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A/N: I´m so sorry that I haven´t uploaded yesterday but my internet decided to pout and shut down until now. This evil meanie... Well, and as you can see, i also didn´t manage to bring this story to a proper end by now (Family busness kept me to busy to write. Don´t ask. Good thing: Everything´s good again now.) so I will add a fifth chapter as soon as my tiny fingers can type it down ^-^

As always: Feedback would be wonderful.


	5. Chapter 5

Suddenly I feel totally sober. Being drunk wasn´t that bad at all. Being confused because being drunk is so much more comfortable than being confused because being in love with the woman you just caught kissing the Easter Bunny.

After rabbit stops talking, Stella looks at him and shakes her head. Then she tells him to leave.

A few minutes before I would´ve cheered about my victory over him, but yet all I feel is a slight glimpse of satisfaction as I watch him walk away.

When he´s gone, Stella turns to me again locking her gaze with mine like she wants to make sure that even my eyes can´t hide from her. ."Are you jealous?"

She did not ask that.

Seriously, I mean it. She did just not ask that.

She. Did. Not.

I know what you think... I already tried that strategy before, and what did it cause me?

Right, nothing but trouble. It actually leaded to that question in question.

Wheow, that sounds weird... question in question... Like a-

Getting side-tracked!

Another thing we already discussed... _twice_!

This time I´m going to ignore her words and this time, I´ll succeed, because this time it was just an audible hallucinating. That´s all.

I´m still so drunk I´m hallucinating, that´s the only appropriate explanation why I thought I heard her ask that.

I feel it in my bones-

"Mac, are you jealous?" she repeats, her eyes demanding an answer I don´t think either of us is ready for.

Damn.

Yet, the only feeling in my bones is that ache in my scull.

Seems as if it´s official now: I´m sober and the worst hangover ever is just getting started.

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A/N: There you go, the fifth and what I consider the last part of "Easter surprise". I´m playing with the thought of doing a sequel to this one, taking place right after this one but out of Stella´s POV. (I would call it "Easter Reprise" xD) what do you guys think? Should I go for it?

Anyway, I would love to hear from you so please don´t hesitate to send me a review!


	6. Chapter 6

**Easter Reprise**

A/N: Disclaimer, Rating and Summary are still the same. I just changed the point of view of telling and decided that´s worth it´s own title xD

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I shouldn´t be standing here.

I mean it.

I shouldn´t be standing here waiting for Mac´s answer when I should be kissing Derek again. That kind man who invited me to dinner and gave me the sweetest goodnight kiss for dessert.

I liked kissing Derek. I really did enjoy it, I swear.

But still here I stand, in front of my apartment after kissing that sweet guy whom I just send away to discuss with Mac if he´s jealous or not and my silly heart pounds louder as I wait for Mac´s reply than it did while I kissed Derek.

Just another thing that´s just not right about tonight.

Just like the fact that Mac is drunk.

Just like the fact that the sight of my drunk boss alone thrills me more than a well dressed gentleman who is capable of making polite conversation without using the words '_murder_', '_killer_' or '_corpse_' even once.

Unfortunately, my heart made my mind up long ago, so I don´t care much bout any of these facts as long as I´m able to talk to him.

Falling in love with your boss isn´t a smart thing to do, neither is loving your best friend more than appropriate for friends. I never came to a proper conclusion which love is more troublesome. Well, I assume it doesn´t matter that much since I succeeded to fall for my best friend who is also my boss.

So I´m screwed anyway, right?

Gosh, I get deeper and deeper into trouble as longer I wait for his answer. It feels like he is taking hours to decide what to tell me. And if he does, am I really that sure that I want to hear it?

Granted, since he seems way too drunk to lie I have high hopes to hear some truth about his feelings... Not an opportunity I have that often. Having him speaking about his feelings I mean, Mac never lies to me but he isn´t really the emotional-sharing kind of guy either...

But what if I don´t like his answer? What if I interpreted his actions wrong?

Do I really wanna hear him giving me a 'let´s remain friends' speech?

Nope, I wouldn´t like that at all. I´d rather kiss a rabbit.

I´d rather kiss Mac to be all honest with you. His mouth, his soft lips...

But wait a sec. Rabbit? I´d rather kiss a rabbit? Where the hell did that came from?

Mac... Mac called Derek a rabbit... Which leads me right back to option number two.

Hm... kissing Mac...

Definitely something I´d really love to experience. His lips on mine, his strong arms holding me tight and the only reflection in his eyes would be mine...

The same blue eyes which are staring at me right now. Why does it take him so long to reply?

Damn, does it sound crazy that I wish to be drunk right now too? Maybe I could just pretend to be, if he rejects me... Then I could also pretend this whole weird situation never had happened in the first place.

Hm... maybe I should stumble a bit... to prove my drunken state? Or maybe I should slur my words more?

Or I could just tell him like thousand times that I´m tipsy as a sort of not so subtle suggestion? Maybe I´m lucky and he´s drunk enough to buy it...

Then Mac´s voice finally cuts into my thoughts. "Yes." he whispers, barely audible and I nearly forget to breath.

What am I gonna do now?

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A/N again: I hope you still like it even though the story gets more serious... I would love to hear from you.


	7. Chapter 7

**Easter Revolution**

A/N: new title again... well, I just couldn´t resist. xD

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He is jealous of Derek! He admitted it!

Uhm, dancing around in excitement would be inappropriate, right?

Yeah, guessed that... Fine, I come up with another way to reply.

Maybe I should kiss him...

Should I kiss him?

A man who was jealous as another man kissed you, probably wants to kiss you himself, so I should kiss him, right? Nothing wrong with that. Absolutely logical.

Kissing Mac in response for his short answer would be just fine. Nearly perfect. The perfect gesture with which I could tell him that I appreciate his jealousy.

Plus kissing him is much more smoother than just saying _'Thank you, I appreciate your jealousy.'_ which simply sounds dumb. I think we all agree on that.

_'Thank you, I appreciate your jealousy.'_ simply sounds stupid.

... Just like my argumentation.

Damn.

If I wouldn´t know any better, I would swear all my wishful thinking about being drunk just came true...

Arg, that haunted expression in Mac´s eyes urges me on to finally do something before the shame of admitting his jealousy melts him into a puddle, so I... smile.

Yeah, I know, great solution for my problem. As if I hadn´t smiled all along since he uttered _'Yes'_ so adorably.

What? He uttered _adorably_? Damn, now, on the other hand, I wish to be drunk again.

The only excuse that counts if you say something like _'he uttered adorably.' _Well, maybe the only proper excuse except for _'someone hit her hard on her head'_, which is also a very good reason. Every reason which includes possible brain-damage is a good one, I guess.

Hm, so what to do next?

If I don´t react soon, I´m afraid he might go while I´m still standing here, smiling like an idiot and wasting this opportunity completely.

Talking about opportunities:

Isn´t this the perfect one to kiss him?

I mean, the moon is shining, we are alone, he stares at me with those beautifully blue eyes of his...

...after I was out on a date with another man who actually had some similarity to a rabbit (since Mac mentioned it, I can´t get over it.) and whom Mac caught me kissing with.

Damn, now that I think it sort-of-out-loud, it doesn´t sound that good anymore. Another point is, that unlike me Mac actually is drunk.

And sleeping with your boss when he´s drunk is inappropriate....

WOW! Where the heck did that came from?

Evil, _evil_ unconsciousness.

I grin and Mac frowns. Obviously he´s not getting why I´m suddenly so amused.

Maybe I should kiss him to explain it? Using action instead of words?

Action most times is so much clearer than words could ever be, so I probably should explain him this situation... _directly_.

By the way: Yes, I really, _really_ wanna kiss him.

The question is: Should I?

"Uhm..." Suddenly Mac begins to shift, placing his body weight from one leg to another. "I think it´s better if I-"

Oh, what the hell!

My mouth on his keeps him from finishing his sentence.

END

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A/N: *lol* I hope, you enjoyed this little story as much as I did. Thanks for reading and please leave a review on your way out.


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